6

Marriage is great, but can I go home now?

So, ya, I know this is probably not the article you were expecting when I said I was going to be talking about marriage, but this is the one I’m going to write because well, I’m real like that. You’re welcome.

When I was single, I was talking to one of my friends who had recently gotten married and she told me that sometimes she just wanted to go home. Well, I laughed a little at the time, but I obviously thought she was crazy, or maybe she had problems with her husband or something. I just thought it was so sad that she had what so many other girls were looking and longing for, and she wasn’t as happy as she had ever been in her entire life.

……and then I got married.

Don’t get me wrong. There has not been one day or night that I have regretted marrying my husband. He is THE BEST guy I have ever met, and treats me so much better than most of the time I deserve. I love him with all my heart, and wouldn’t trade our life for the world, but if I’m honest, there have been times when I have woken up, or gone to bed, and thought to myself, “this marriage thing is really great and all, but can I go home now?”

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See, being married means you’re like basically an adult. You have to pay all your bills, and clean your house, and cook dinner, and go to work, and your husband has to do the same. It’s building a home and a life and that life is big and comes with many responsibilities; and being that I was a newlywed, it was all very new for me.

Home was established. Home was comforting. Home I was taken care of. Home I didn’t have to pay the electric bill or go grocery shopping. Our life together was just getting started, I was learning and my new husband was learning how to take care of our responsibilities and how to take care of each other. We were excited to do it! But our life and our home was not firmly rooted yet as the homes we came from. Our home together was just a baby seedling needing lots of time and care and attention- all of which we were only just learning how to give.

I have learned a lot in my first year and a half of marriage, if only just that I still have a lot to learn, and that God gives us the grace we need to learn and grow in every new chapter of life. This season has required me to be a stronger, more dependent, more independent, more understanding, more forgiving, more apologetic, more open and honest, more of me than I have ever been, but I am learning. We both are, and as we learn and as we grow, we get better at being home for one another, and this life is getting more wonderful every day.

Soon, my hallways will be filled with the sounds of our little girl, and I will have to grow again and learn again, and I can’t wait. I can’t wait for us to be a family, and for us to have put a whole new level of joy on the home we are building together, and for this house and this man and my family to feel that much more like home- my home, our home, the home we have made together with our love, sweat, and tears.

If you are getting married soon, or have been married recently, take encouragement from this post that maybe you aren’t alone in feeling a tad overwhelmed, maybe a little homesick at times, and vastly unprepared for what is unfolding before you. God will grow you into the person you need to be, God will grow your husband into the person he needs to be, and you will find your home to be as wonderful as the two of you make it together.

If you’re still single, and marriage is not in the immediate plan, tuck this one away in your heart for future reference, and expect marriage to be not only wonderful, but also a little difficult at first, as I imagine it is for everyone.

And if you have been married for a while, maybe look back and laugh, and thank God for how far you have come, and, while you’re talking to Him, say a prayer that in all of our homes, new and old, we will live in ways that bring glory to our God.

:)

29

Dear Single Girl,

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Many of you have only just started following me in the recent weeks, or months or even in the past year, so you know that I am happily married. Yes, I have probably turned into that girl who posts too many pictures of her and her husband. You know the ones that make you roll your eyes, but also wish for the same for yourself? I know…. because I have been there. Looking at other relationships, and feeling lonely or sad or even just plain sorry for myself. Maybe you have no idea the archives on this very blog are filled with posts of a single girl patiently (and not-so-patiently) waiting on her forever love.

See, I didn’t get married young, although I always thought I would. I thought I would go to college, and find a guy, and get married right away… that was my plan. However, it was not my God’s plan. God’s plan was for me to wait, and wait a lot longer than I ever thought or wanted, and I started this blog in that season of waiting.

Today, I want to go back there with you to just encourage your heart, because it is so easy for me to remember how it felt to be in your shoes, and how just a few words of encouragement, that maybe you didn’t even want to admit that you needed, made all the difference some days.

First of all, while the world is bombarding you with mixed messages, you have to stay grounded in the truth. From “You’re nothing without a man” and “#relationshipgoals” to “You are a fierce single lady and the world is your playground so kick every man to the curb and stay focused on YOU, darling,” it is hard to know where you fit in. Even if you did know where you fit, what are you supposed to do about it? How are you supposed to feel when everyone around you is in a relationship, getting married, or having kids?

Well, the truth is everyone’s story is different.

Every single one of your friends might get married and have 3 or 4 kids (like most of mine did) before you even start a meaningful relationship. And guess what? That’s okay. I know you’re thinking, No it isn’t. YES it is! It is okay because your story, God’s plan for your life, is different from theirs. Don’t waste time rebelling against what God has in store for your life. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will become grateful for every day that you are living out His plan, even if it doesn’t include a man.

You’re thinking, so you’re saying to “enjoy my single years” listening to Adele and eating ice cream all by myself. Well, yes. How? You have to have an unwavering seed of faith even on the hard days when you’re lonely and you cry to Adele in your car, that God loves you, and He has a plan that you just don’t understand yet. Yes, it is possible to wish and hope and pray for your future husband without letting it affect your overall lifestyle. I prayed and struggled, you can read it all here on my blog, but I didn’t walk around in a puddle of sadness all the time. I went out and did things and had fun and I did enjoy my single years, and looking back I know it was God’s plan for me and I’m so thankful that everything happened the way it did, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was hard. I won’t pretend that it was.

I use this weird analogy all the time.

Being single is like having a baby. {Ok I know it sounds weird but hear me out.} Have you ever heard a mother talk about her labor and delivery? Yes it was awful. Yes it was terrifying, and gruesome, and more painful than the human mind can comprehend {that may just be my interpretation} but would they do it again? Yes. No question. And many of them do! Thank The Lord or most of us wouldn’t be here today. Well, being single isn’t all that bad lol but sometimes it’s lonely, and hard, and discouraging and disappointing……. But then you meet them. You fall in love, and you kinda forget how awful it was to be single. Why? Because all of it was just….. Worth it. All the waiting and lonely nights and teary hopeful prayers all seem to fade away because God has made everything perfect in His time.

Because one day, Michael walked into my life, and it has never been the same. And I know that the same will happen to you, and you’ll get married and face new and exciting challenges together. I can tell you it’s going to be okay, and remind you every day of the plan of God for your life, or you can let your faith in God’s timing and His goodness and His faithfulness and His love be your wings for this season. You can bury in your heart the promise that if you surrender your heart to His plan, the desires that He has placed in your heart will come to pass. You can believe for yourself that even on the not so easy days, (when you aren’t feeling like a fierce single woman who doesn’t need no man) that your prince will come, and you will get your happily ever after.

And, for those days too, you have a friend here who knows what’s up…. take a look around here, and read some more posts about my thoughts and feelings as a single girl just like you.

Til next time, chin up, beautiful. xo

10

Stop waiting. Start living.

Growing up, I had always dreamed of finding the guy of my dreams, falling in love, getting married, and living happily ever after. That was the goal. That is when my life would begin.

Well, the years went by with still no luck in relationships, and I started to think, I am in my 20’s….. and I may not be married till I am in my 30’s, and I am waiting to “begin my life” until my wedding day. Will I someday look back on my younger years and think that I wasted them? Wasted them wishing for a guy to come save me…wishing for a life someone else had… wishing for my fairytale ending?

No. Not me. I will not waste these days, because I will not get them back. There are things I can do, and focus on, and strive for right now that I would not get to do if I was married with children. God has a plan for this time, and I will not miss it, by wishing my life away or feeling bad for myself when I am right where God wants me.

This life is not about me.

I am not promised tomorrow. I could die before I ever get married…. or I may possibly never get married. It may just not be in God’s plan. Could I be content with my life if that happened?

It is all about Him. The end. Not getting the stuff we want out of serving Him.

Everyone wants it. That perfect relationship. The one where he calls you beautiful, and special, and his. The one where everything reminds you of that person. The one where when you spend time together, you are completely happy and at peace. The one where you just know…. you just know that you were meant for each other.

He is my perfect forever relationship. I have found who I was meant for… and, here is the cool part, you are meant for Him too. Each and every one of us were meant for God. You and God were literally made for each other.

No, really and seriously, you were made FOR God, and made to be with Him. He made you for Himself.

I can not tell you the freedom came when I realized that God is my other half…. and not just until someone better comes along. It is not about getting what we want out of God, It is about being completely His.

You were created to bring Him pleasure with your fellowship, with your singing, with your beauty, with your praise, with your love.

He is the One for you. He is our true love, our fulfillment, and our joy.

Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God. 1 John 3:1a

And ye are complete in him, which is the head of all principality and power. Colossians 2:10

So many of us are searching for that person here on earth. We are waiting for a somebody to come along and fill the void. We look for a completer piece to an emptiness in our hearts that was meant for God alone to fill, and until we discover this, we will not be whole, relationship or not.

You were made perfectly by God with everything you need to bring Him joy and glory. He made your face exactly how he loves it. He gave you the perfect hair, skin, and teeth to bring a smile to his face. Your personality is just right for Him. When He looks at you, He is enthralled with your beauty. He is always there to listen and give the best and most perfect answer.

Out of all of God’s creations, you are one of His very favorites.

He longs to have a relationship with you. He longs for you to know His love. He longs to fill your heart, and give you peace and satisfaction with His promises and comforts found in His word. It pleases Him to be number one in our hearts, and to obey His words out of a heart of love.

He loves you more than anyone you have ever known on earth with a love you could not even imagine. He is your other half. Fall in love with Jesus. That’s it. He offers so much more than anyone in this world ever could give, and it is a relationship better than any you will ever know.

A human being on earth can never fulfill what was meant to be filled by the one you were made for, and it will destroy your relationships if you expect them to. You will have a miserable life and marriage if that relationship is where you find your identity….. even if it hasn’t happened yet.

God will never leave you or forsake you. He comforts, and restores. He leads you and guides you. He is your best friend, and your closest ally. He knows you the best and loves you the most.

The LORD has appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved you with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn you. Jeremiah 31:3

God is the end. He is our happy ending. Christ is our goal. A husband is great and a blessing from God, and there is nothing wrong with getting married. I certainly still want to… but, if God has chosen to keep me for Himself, and to be completely and solely His for a while longer…. or even forever, I can be content with that. It even makes me feel special. Because I am made whole, filled up, and complete… and in love with Him. Because, even after marriage, no one will complete me and fulfill me like Jesus does.

There will be a wedding one day, more beautiful than we could ever imagine, when our Prince will come. When a nail-scarred hand will reach out and take ours, and lead us through the gates of heaven to forever be with our Bride-groom. This is the wedding day that is our goal.. that is the happy ending, and that day is only the beginning. This is the day that should give us butterflies in our stomachs, and this is the day we should be preparing ourselves for.

So… Stop waiting, and start living. Start living for the One who loves you. Start falling more in love with Him everyday. Start finding your everything in His arms. Stop wasting your days pining over whats not in God’s plan yet. Stop waiting to give your everything to someone else. Fall in love with Jesus, and give your everything to Him.

Your life is now.

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This song by Casting Crowns is amazing. It tells of this the day we will meet our Bride-groom. I wanted to share it with you…I can not wait for this day.