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The “American Girl” Dream

Say what you will, feminists. The “American Girl” dream is to win, get the ring, post the pictures of the wedding on the Internet. And girls are desperately chasing it. The problem is they will make sacrifices to get there without evaluating the outcome. Women are settling, and they are not getting what they really want [being treated right, taken to the altar, and living happily ever after] because they think they are only after the title.

Girls casually dating men are acting like girlfriends and girlfriends are acting like wives. If you are prone to think this way, the following sentence will change your life.

Remember that your relationship status IS your relationship status.

If he is not dating you, he doesn’t want to. If he is not marrying you, he doesn’t want to… Or maybe even doesn’t HAVE to because you are already acting the part. I know everyone tells you that you should “dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” And “fake it till you make it.” Society tells is if we act the part then we will eventually get the job.

Not true in the dating world.

A girlfriend is something a guy wants to earn. A wife is something he wants to win. If we give it to him without any work on his part, he is not going to place value in what he has. Ultimately because YOU didn’t place value in what you are giving away so cheaply.

It’s definitely not about games or playing “hard to get.” It’s about placing value on yourself and not sacrificing your money, time, energy, emotions, needs, feelings, anything and everything for someone who is not making equal sacrifices for you. It’s about not doing all the work and ending up with a weak man. Knowing your worth is one thing. Being able to put it into practice is much different.

See, the person who sacrifices more, spends more of themselves on something, is the one who will be more invested in the relationship. Men especially need to feel as though they are working toward something. Earning something. Winning. If we require them to do so little for us to let them win, they will not be invested in the relationship at all.

So many girls just jump at the chance to date someone they like that they immediately become the ultimate accommodators. They make it so easy to be with them that a guy loses all interest. Each stage of a relationship should take work on the mans part. “You invest in me, and I will decide to invest in you.” I’m not saying it’s a one-way street. You also are required to make investments too, but as a RESPONSE to his. Guys are the pursuers. It’s in their makeup- in their blood. God made them this way. You can fight me on this till you are blue in the face, but pursuing and accommodating a man into a relationship will not last long… if it even gets that far.

You value what you work for. Bottom line.

Tony Gaskins said, “STOP PRAISING BOYFRIENDS! A relationship is a marathon, not a sprint! You can’t worship a man just because he’s given you a good six months. Always remember that he must be evaluated every three months. After that evaluation you have to promote, demote, or terminate. Don’t give a man a promotion when you know he should be fired. Praise him on the honeymoon. Until then, he’s Just auditioning.”

I think this is a good way to remember NOT to be screaming “forever” when your guy is only thinking “right now.”

So what are the questions that should be asked when evaluating a man/boyfriend/potential husband? I’m so glad you asked. It depends on mainly what is important to you. Here are a few that I feel are the most important. In no particular order….

1. Does he put Christ first?
2. Does he push me closer to Christ and encourage me to grow?
3. Does he support my goals/ministry?
4. Does he protect my purity?
5. Does he care about my heart, my feelings, my needs, my life or just his own?
6. Does he have his own spiritual goals and take responsibility for his own growth?
7. Does he actively seek to obey and please God with his life?
8. Can I trust him with my life and the lives of my future children?
9. Is he a genuinely kind and happy person?
10. Am I happy with him?

{These questions can also be asked of a potential girlfriend or potential wife. I want to marry a man with standards too. And I doubt any of our male readers who consider themselves godly would want to date someone who is selfish or unkind, doesn’t support them, or isn’t in love with Jesus Christ.}

If you answer “No” to any of these questions, then it’s time for someone to be fired. We, as women these days, are so consumed with an outcome [happily ever after] that sometimes we will just do whatever it takes to get there when we really should be taking a step back and evaluating our decisions so much more closely.

When you understand your worth and find your identity in Christ, it is hard to settle for a man who doesn’t feel the same about you and treat you in a way that is honoring to God. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married. However, if we are chasing the dream apart from God’s standards, we are chasing a dream where in the end, we lose! Stop chasing the “American girl” dream, and allow God to give you the desires that He wants you to have. [Psalm 37:4] Start chasing a life of worth, service to God, and relationships that please Him. Stop, stop, stop skipping the work and going straight for the title. Because even if you get it, it is not worth the pain or misery of giving your life to a man who doesn’t completely love God and seek to cherish you the way God has planned for you.

Godly men want godly women with godly expectations. Ungodly men run from them. They run from expectations and accountability.

No, you’re right. No one is perfect. It doesn’t have to be absolutely perfect to be beautiful. However, if you have hesitations, concerns, red flags– then say something. Ask the hard questions. Find out the answers. It’s not about expecting perfection. Don’t be afraid to expect from a man the relationship that God wants for you…..Because there ARE men out there who want relationships just like that.

Anything less for me is settling.