Don’t become a mother if you aren’t ready for these things…

I have been a mother for a little over 4 months now, so this is not a post about how to do stuff as a parent. The good Lord and my google search history knows I should not be handing out too much advice in that department. However, I have had a few little revelations that no internet search could have fully prepared me for…

1. Don’t become a mother if you aren’t prepared to be selfless.

Wow. Before baby, I had so much time to myself. I could waste so much time doing what I wanted to do. And while I was aware that I would have less time to do the things that I wanted to do, (I was 30, I had done what I wanted to do for a while) I wasn’t fully aware of just how self sacrificing I was going to have to become.


I won’t go into detail but pretty much your whole life is turned on the tiny little axis that is your baby’s schedule, and very little of that time is allotted to just you. I really and truly believe that having a baby is God’s grandest way of letting you know that life isn’t all about you. And you relearn it every day.

2. Don’t become a mother if you aren’t prepared to lose track of time.

Losing track of time isn’t exactly what I mean, although there has been more than once when I have asked my husband what day it is. I told my husband when we brought our baby home from the hospital that there was no day and night anymore only feedings and changing diapers, but that was 4 months ago. Already 4 months. Everyone who stops to see my little girl has to say it, “it goes so fast.” I know… I understand and I don’t. I only try to soak up every moment, even the hard or frustrating or just plain tired ones because I know that they will be gone so so fast. I guess that what makes these moments so very sweet. After all, time passing is what gives life meaning. The specialness of a time cut short or by its own nature short; is really what makes this whole life so special. So, as the world blurs around you, just hold still and tight to your little one because they are right, it goes so fast.

3. Don’t become a mother if you are not prepared to change.

Mama, labor and delivery, holding your newborn, bringing them home and falling in love, it will break you. It will shatter you into a thousand little pieces, and honestly your arms are too full to pick them up and put them all back together just the way they were. They wouldn’t fit back together anyway, and eventually, you will realize that they will heal exactly as they are, and that, from now on, you will be different. Forever changed by your baby’s presence in your life. Forever new. Forever a mother. What a special special title that is, and now you and I know what it means, even if we can’t always put it into words.

4. Don’t become a mother if you aren’t prepared to love and be loved in a way you never knew was possible.

Every smile, every laugh, every cry, you will feel it. You will feel more beautiful in sweats and a t shirt with no makeup and a pony tail slowly sliding to the side of your head than you have ever felt in your entire life. Try not to cry every time they look at you with all the love in their tiny little heart because you know that you are adored and needed and loved like probably no other time in your life, and every bit of pain or sleepless nights or days you don’t get to shower or can’t remember if you brushed your teeth, it’s all so very very worth it.

What have you realized as a new mother? I’m busy soaking up every moment, getting to know my baby, watching her grow, learning how to be her mama. I love and am loved in a way that I never new was possible, and every day I thank God for this amazing gift of motherhood. Also, I am feeling especially thankful for my own mother this year because I realize she did all of this for me. So Happy Mother’s Day to all of us mamas. What we do is so very important and wonderful and hard, and we really are all in it together.


Marriage is great, but can I go home now?

So, ya, I know this is probably not the article you were expecting when I said I was going to be talking about marriage, but this is the one I’m going to write because well, I’m real like that. You’re welcome.

When I was single, I was talking to one of my friends who had recently gotten married and she told me that sometimes she just wanted to go home. Well, I laughed a little at the time, but I obviously thought she was crazy, or maybe she had problems with her husband or something. I just thought it was so sad that she had what so many other girls were looking and longing for, and she wasn’t as happy as she had ever been in her entire life.

……and then I got married.

Don’t get me wrong. There has not been one day or night that I have regretted marrying my husband. He is THE BEST guy I have ever met, and treats me so much better than most of the time I deserve. I love him with all my heart, and wouldn’t trade our life for the world, but if I’m honest, there have been times when I have woken up, or gone to bed, and thought to myself, “this marriage thing is really great and all, but can I go home now?”

See, being married means you’re like basically an adult. You have to pay all your bills, and clean your house, and cook dinner, and go to work, and your husband has to do the same. It’s building a home and a life and that life is big and comes with many responsibilities; and being that I was a newlywed, it was all very new for me.

Home was established. Home was comforting. Home I was taken care of. Home I didn’t have to pay the electric bill or go grocery shopping. Our life together was just getting started, I was learning and my new husband was learning how to take care of our responsibilities and how to take care of each other. We were excited to do it! But our life and our home was not firmly rooted yet as the homes we came from. Our home together was just a baby seedling needing lots of time and care and attention- all of which we were only just learning how to give.

I have learned a lot in my first year and a half of marriage, if only just that I still have a lot to learn, and that God gives us the grace we need to learn and grow in every new chapter of life. This season has required me to be a stronger, more dependent, more independent, more understanding, more forgiving, more apologetic, more open and honest, more of me than I have ever been, but I am learning. We both are, and as we learn and as we grow, we get better at being home for one another, and this life is getting more wonderful every day.

Soon, my hallways will be filled with the sounds of our little girl, and I will have to grow again and learn again, and I can’t wait. I can’t wait for us to be a family, and for us to have put a whole new level of joy on the home we are building together, and for this house and this man and my family to feel that much more like home- my home, our home, the home we have made together with our love, sweat, and tears.

If you are getting married soon, or have been married recently, take encouragement from this post that maybe you aren’t alone in feeling a tad overwhelmed, maybe a little homesick at times, and vastly unprepared for what is unfolding before you. God will grow you into the person you need to be, God will grow your husband into the person he needs to be, and you will find your home to be as wonderful as the two of you make it together.

If you’re still single, and marriage is not in the immediate plan, tuck this one away in your heart for future reference, and expect marriage to be not only wonderful, but also a little difficult at first, as I imagine it is for everyone.

And if you have been married for a while, maybe look back and laugh, and thank God for how far you have come, and, while you’re talking to Him, say a prayer that in all of our homes, new and old, we will live in ways that bring glory to our God.



Changing things up

Things have been changing in my life. Lots of things have changed. In no big or viral way, I have become a wife and a mother. And just that sentence alone is new a scary and exciting and makes me want to burst into tears, (probably the hormones). I have not written to you in a while, and the real reason is, I have been unsure of what you wanted me to say. I built my blog on being the single girl with high standards. A little defensive and open to love but closed to any imitations. I wrote from exactly where I was, exactly what I was feeling, and I felt so relatable and less alone. I felt empowering and motivating and like I was making a difference.

Now, I am in a different stage of my life, and as well as I can relate to you single girls, I can relate to the new wife. I see many of you can now also. I’m learning new lessons, becoming more independent and more dependent at the same time. I’m caring less about what people think and more about how my family will respond and grow in each decision I make. I’m learning to ask opinions and make my husband a priority. I’m learning to still be in awe and wonder about all the things God has prepared for me in my future. I’ve learned that change is scary and hard and exciting and inevitable.

Soon, I will be a mother, and as much as you don’t want thefulltimegirl to become a mommy blog, believe me, I don’t either. I will do my best to share lessons that I am learning in a relatable way for you whether you are a mom or grown kids or still yet to be married and start a family of your own.

I guess I just wanted to let you know where my head has been for the past, well, year. Blogging is not something I want to give up on. I guess I just needed some time to settle into a new role. I won’t forget what it was like to be single. I still have tons of relationship advice. I still have two shoulders to cry on. I’m still a girl just like you navigating unfamiliar territory the best that she can. And I still feel like God wants me to share my heart and impact some lives for Him in a small way.

To those of you still reading and following, I want to say thank you. It’s easy to give up on someone when they aren’t giving you what you need or have come to expect from them. I’m so glad you stuck around. I love hearing your stories and seeing you grow along with me. Feel free to leave a message here catching me up on what exciting things have been going on in your life! I would love to hear them.

I’m excited about what we have to learn ahead of us, and so thankful for what we have accomplished thus far. So that’s my introduction into what’s next. What exactly that is, I honestly have no idea but I’m up for the challenge.




Concerned but Not Consumed










So much is going on right now, and there is so much to say about it. Seems our country is headed further and further towards hell every day. It’s a scary thing! It’s scary for Christians these days. We are no longer the majority. Everything we say offends people (the bible said it would). Everything we do is deemed “hateful” and “bigoted.” What is next for us? It’s a scary time to raise children. What will be left for them to grow up in? Will there be the same America we have loved for generations?

I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know in Whom I place my trust. Sin and wickedness are nothing new to our God. In the days of Noah, everyone did what was right in their own eyes. In the days of Jonah, Nineveh was one of the most wicked cities in the world. In the days of Abraham, Sodom and Gomorrah were home to some of the most infamous vile people in history.

Did those people silence the preaching of Noah? No. Did they stop Jonah from preaching the truth? No. Did Abraham run away and hide? Nope.

And we can’t either. Just like those and many men and women throughout the bible, we have a job to do. We must obey our God and live our lives for his glory. We must not hold our peace about what is right and what is wrong. We must tell the truth to people about what God says. That is the loving thing to do! And we have fallen down on the job for far too long.

Christians, we need to get back to being concerned about our own sin and getting it out of our lives. We need to get back be concerned about the lives of those around us. We need to be concerned about the will of God for our families, our churches, our cities, and our country. We need to be concerned about current issues and speak up!

However, we must not be consumed. Consumed with fear and anxiety. Consumed with doubt and apathy. Consumed with fighting and arguing. Consumed with ourselves and our lack of faith and our savior attitudes.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 1 Timothy 1:7

It’s easy to do. Controversy is everywhere. It’s in our face every day. We need to be concerned with what is going on, but we must not be consumed.

Our God sees. Just as he saw those who were faithful to Him in bible times. He knows. He knows the wickedness all around us. In these times, we need to trust our God. We need to get on our knees and turn to Him in prayer and beg Him to do a work in us– his people– and then do a work in our country. We need to do what’s right in big things and in small so that when God looks down on us, he sees a remnant of people who are faithful to Him alone. Because, our actions the actions of God’s people are what will heal our land. We must do what we can do. We must do and speak and live what is right.

In the coming months, there will be a lot to see, there will be a lot to say, there will be a lot to do, but most of all there will be a lot to pray about. We must pour out our hearts before God and take Him at his words. Concerned always. Speaking up constantly. Doing right continually. Trusting daily. Voting when it is time! Never consumed, but praying without ceasing…

Our God will hear us.

If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land. 2 Chronicles 7:14


Twenty Tips for Christian Bloggers from an Expert (not really)









It has officially been 4 years since I started my blog.

Over the last 4 years, many people have asked me advice about blogging, and I never quite know what to say. I don’t know exactly what they’re asking, and honestly, I don’t think they know themselves. I want to tell them that they do not know what they are getting themselves into. I certainly didn’t when I started. I want to tell them that I don’t know what I’m doing! I just do it.

I guess they want me to give them tips about social media and tips for reaching people and growing your blog, but it’s so so much more than that. And, just like any ministry, if you’re just in it for the popularity and/or money, then you’re not doing it right, and you will never reap the true blessings that it can bring. And, let me tell you, it’s not for the faint of heart.

{Side note: I don’t make any money off of my blog. I never have made a dime. I am only compensated for speaking engagements. I don’t have ads on my blog because A) I don’t want them to compromise my message and B) I don’t want to be monetarily motivated to write. I want it to come from and be for Jesus. There is nothing wrong with making money from blogging. That’s just what I have chosen to do for now.}

So from now on, this is my advice for potential and new and current bloggers. So ya, it’s not exactly from an expert. It’s just me. In all its glory (or not) and for whatever it’s worth, here it is:

1. Be prepared to learn as you go. Because there are so so many things to learn, and no one has all the answers.

2. Be prepared to be more vulnerable than you’re comfortable with complete strangers.

3. Be prepared for people to know things about you and make assumptions before you meet them. Sometimes, you’ll be better than those assumptions, and sometimes you’ll be worse.

4. Be prepared to meet many strange, weird, and wonderful people, and understand their stories.

5. Be prepared to work 24/7 answering questions, emails, and direct messages laughing with people and crying with them, behind the scenes, where no one sees but God.

6. Be prepared to contact other people to help those that you can’t. No one person has all the answers, and there are many people out who are experts in their fields who have answers for people. Facebook, Instagram, and email is not the best forum to seriously counsel people who need it. Don’t be afraid to admit that you can’t help, but you can find someone who can.

7. Be prepared to take this personally because no matter what anyone says, it is personal. Your heart is written out for people to read, and criticize, and they will.

8. Be prepared to not take this too personally because no one truly knows your heart but God.

9. Be prepared to disengage from negativity and arguments. There is a HUGE different between edifying questions/constructive criticism and people who just like to pick fights and tell you that you’re wrong. (The Internet is ripe with those people.) You don’t owe anyone anything. You don’t always have to respond to negative comments. Arguing online is rarely productive. Who has the time for that anyway? “Delete” is a great button.

10. Be prepared to keep at it no matter WHO says WHAT.

11. Be prepared to remember why you started, and write for that reason and that reason alone.

12. Be prepared to know that whether one thousand people read your post or ten people read your post, that if you reach one person with a challenge or encouragement or whatever they needed and got from your heart that day or a few months down the road, it was worth it.

13. Be prepared to not compromise the truth for followers and likes. No amount of popularity is worth selling out what you believe in your heart to be true.

14. Be prepared to only do and write what God puts on your heart. If you do that, you will be original.

15. Be prepared to not compare your journey and your blog and what God has you doing, with others big or small around you. God will lead you into what you need to be doing and He will lead you to the people you need to be reaching.

16. Be prepared to not be everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s ok. Everyone is a critic. Everyone. You will never please them all with everything you write, and that’s ok. Some of you won’t even like this list, and that’s ok too.

17. Be prepared to lose friends, and make better friends because of what you write.

18. Be prepared to love what you do, but not be defined by it. Just like everyone, you are defined by God and what He says in His word.

19. Be prepared to take breaks when you need them. Don’t be pressured by keeping up with someone else or writing things that God doesn’t intend for you to write about. Don’t burn yourself out.

20. Be prepared for it to be one of the most taxing things you’ve ever done, and one of the things that comes with the most blessings. The biggest being just the chance to reach out and touch other people’s lives with God’s truth- it all belongs to Him anyway.

So there you have it. If you ask me my tips, be prepared to receive this list and my best wishes. May the odds be evah in your favah.


Single girls, give up on butterflies









I recently received an email from a girl who was on the fence about her boyfriend. Now normally, after reading that, I read that “he is a great Christian guy, but…” he’s doing something pretty terrible like watching porn or pressuring her to have sex or is just plain mean to the girl. But this time, she said that there was nothing really wrong with him- he loved God and loved her and treated her right- She just didn’t feel “butterflies” when she was with him.

Immediately, I thought, “what?? if it ain’t broke…”

This got me thinking about how we perceive relationships while we are young-myself included! We get so caught up in books and movies and romance that we don’t realize what real love is. When you first start dating someone, it very well may feel like the moves portray it! You DO get butterflies when you see him. You DO want to impress him every chance you get and vice versa. You DO want to be with him ALL the time. And we get tricked into thinking, “ahh, this is real love.”

This is where I burst your bubble.

That’s not real life! Yes, you may love that person, and you may marry and spend the rest of your life with them, but that mushy gooshy feeling that we so often mistake for “real love” is not going to last. These feelings are fickle things.

As girls we get so caught up in feelings and feeling like we should feel a certain way…. And that’s just not always the case. Of course you should love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but let me tell you not every day will be romance and butterflies. And chances are, if you’ve been together for a while, you know what I mean. Listen, I haven’t even known my husband for 2 years and if I decided to leave when I didn’t “feel” like loving him in a mushy gooshy way when I woke up…. Then I’d prob be gone already.

What we are looking for is not romance. It’s not butterflies. It’s commitment. It’s real life. It’s every day wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, and watch tv kind of love. It’s a whole life of doing things together that don’t always make your heart race. Because in the long run your love is not going to sustain the commitment. Commitment will sustain your love.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes you will get butterflies. Sometimes your heart will race. Sometimes you won’t believe how lucky you are. Sometimes you’re going to feel so much love and admiration and respect for that man, and then sometimes you’re going to want to punch him in the throat.

Girls, I beg of you find the nice guy. The boring one even. Find the guy who is simple- who loves God and loves you and treats you right. And then appreciate him and hold on to him with all your heart because he’s not easy to find these days. Stick with him. Don’t go looking for something else, and I promise you that even in the moments when you want to punch him in the throat, you’ll have a wonderful life together.


Loving God after being Hurt by the Church

I grew up a pastor’s kid, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything {represent!} However, because of that, I know what it feels like to be hurt by the church. To have the same people you and your family have poured their lives into turn around and hurt you the most. I know how it feels to be lied about, and have my father and my family slandered by people we trusted. I know what it feels to walk into church and feel like everyone is talking about you. I know how it feels to find out people who supported your family and the ministry have walked out on you, again. I know how it feels to be hated by people who sit in the pew in front of you week after week. I know how it feels to have Bible verses taken out of context, twisted, and used against you. I know how it feels when people attempt to destroy you.

And it’s not just pastor’s kids who have dealt with abuse from church members. I’ve heard worse stories. I’ve heard stories of single pregnant girls being kicked out of churches even after they have repented and want to move forward doing right. I have heard stories of people kicking women out of the church because they divorced their cheating/porn addicted husbands. I’ve heard stories of manipulation, and abuse, and even molestation.

All these things happening inside the church walls.

Where was God? What can we learn? And how can we move forward?

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First of all, it is never God’s plan for someone to be a victim inside the body of Christ; and God does not turn a blind eye to sin. He was not busy or distracted when this was going on. He was there. His heart breaking. He saw it all. Bad people make bad choices, but God is still good. Because of free will, and just like anywhere, there are bad people. Bad people who claim to be Christians. Bad people who can quote every verse in the Bible. Bad people who endear themselves to good people and claim innocence when it is their mission to destroy the people of God and the ministry of God for their own selfish, twisted reasons, and they will not go unpunished.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Galations 6:7

Secondly, because the world is sin-sick, we must be wise. Don’t get me wrong. I grew up in church. (Almost, literally) Some of the best people I have ever known and will ever know, have been in my church. People who have helped me grow, and seen me through the worst times and the best times. The church as a whole is not broken. The church as a whole is the beautiful representation of Christ on earth. But you and I both know that wicked people are very good at “faking it.” Claiming to be of God, but seriously lacking in their fruit.

Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Matthew 7:16-20

We must be wise with who we let into our lives, who we trust with our hearts, who we allow near our children, and who we must set boundaries for. You never, ever have to let yourself be taken advantage of or hurt by someone in the church just because they claim to be Christian. You never ever have to allow people access to your children that you are uncomfortable with. You never, ever have to continue in an abusive situation. Ever. Period. We have to have our eyes open and we have to trust the Holy Spirit when He tells us something is not quite right.

We must determine that no one will feel unloved or unwelcome, hurt or abused, by our hands. We, as Christians need to step up our game in loving the unloved and reaching the lost. Reaching people who very well may have already suffered at the hands of wicked people. Just because we were hurt doesn’t give us the right to hurt others; and it also doesn’t give us the right to lose our compassion for them.

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. John 13:34-35

So how can we move forward? Understand that God is not people. People have hurt me. But God never has. Never. He is faithful to His word. He loves us unconditionally. He sees us as spotless through the blood of his son. He always does what is best for us. He always wants to see us grow in grace and in truth. He left his home in heaven and was abused on our behalf. He endured the shame and the bitterness and the hatred and the weight of the sin of the entire world that we could be his children. We simply have no right to give up on Him because of the abuse we may have suffered. 

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 1 John 4:9-11

Cling to His promises, and cover yourself with his love. Get up every day determined to show the world his grace and his truth, not only with your lips but with your life. Love and serve Him with all that you have because He is good and He is worthy, and no one here on earth, in the church or out, can ever change that.



Dear Single Girl,












Many of you have only just started following me in the recent weeks, or months or even in the past year, so you know that I am happily married. Yes, I have probably turned into that girl who posts too many pictures of her and her husband. You know the ones that make you roll your eyes, but also wish for the same for yourself? I know…. because I have been there. Looking at other relationships, and feeling lonely or sad or even just plain sorry for myself. Maybe you have no idea the archives on this very blog are filled with posts of a single girl patiently (and not-so-patiently) waiting on her forever love.

See, I didn’t get married young, although I always thought I would. I thought I would go to college, and find a guy, and get married right away… that was my plan. However, it was not my God’s plan. God’s plan was for me to wait, and wait a lot longer than I ever thought or wanted, and I started this blog in that season of waiting.

Today, I want to go back there with you to just encourage your heart, because it is so easy for me to remember how it felt to be in your shoes, and how just a few words of encouragement, that maybe you didn’t even want to admit that you needed, made all the difference some days.

First of all, while the world is bombarding you with mixed messages, you have to stay grounded in the truth. From “You’re nothing without a man” and “#relationshipgoals” to “You are a fierce single lady and the world is your playground so kick every man to the curb and stay focused on YOU, darling,” it is hard to know where you fit in. Even if you did know where you fit, what are you supposed to do about it? How are you supposed to feel when everyone around you is in a relationship, getting married, or having kids?

Well, the truth is everyone’s story is different.

Every single one of your friends might get married and have 3 or 4 kids (like most of mine did) before you even start a meaningful relationship. And guess what? That’s okay. I know you’re thinking, No it isn’t. YES it is! It is okay because your story, God’s plan for your life, is different from theirs. Don’t waste time rebelling against what God has in store for your life. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will become grateful for every day that you are living out His plan, even if it doesn’t include a man.

You’re thinking, so you’re saying to “enjoy my single years” listening to Adele and eating ice cream all by myself. Well, yes. How? You have to have an unwavering seed of faith even on the hard days when you’re lonely and you cry to Adele in your car, that God loves you, and He has a plan that you just don’t understand yet. Yes, it is possible to wish and hope and pray for your future husband without letting it affect your overall lifestyle. I prayed and struggled, you can read it all here on my blog, but I didn’t walk around in a puddle of sadness all the time. I went out and did things and had fun and I did enjoy my single years, and looking back I know it was God’s plan for me and I’m so thankful that everything happened the way it did, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was hard. I won’t pretend that it was.

I use this weird analogy all the time.

Being single is like having a baby. {Ok I know it sounds weird but hear me out.} Have you ever heard a mother talk about her labor and delivery? Yes it was awful. Yes it was terrifying, and gruesome, and more painful than the human mind can comprehend {that may just be my interpretation} but would they do it again? Yes. No question. And many of them do! Thank The Lord or most of us wouldn’t be here today. Well, being single isn’t all that bad lol but sometimes it’s lonely, and hard, and discouraging and disappointing……. But then you meet them. You fall in love, and you kinda forget how awful it was to be single. Why? Because all of it was just….. Worth it. All the waiting and lonely nights and teary hopeful prayers all seem to fade away because God has made everything perfect in His time.

Because one day, Michael walked into my life, and it has never been the same. And I know that the same will happen to you, and you’ll get married and face new and exciting challenges together. I can tell you it’s going to be okay, and remind you every day of the plan of God for your life, or you can let your faith in God’s timing and His goodness and His faithfulness and His love be your wings for this season. You can bury in your heart the promise that if you surrender your heart to His plan, the desires that He has placed in your heart will come to pass. You can believe for yourself that even on the not so easy days, (when you aren’t feeling like a fierce single woman who doesn’t need no man) that your prince will come, and you will get your happily ever after.

And, for those days too, you have a friend here who knows what’s up…. take a look around here, and read some more posts about my thoughts and feelings as a single girl just like you.

Til next time, chin up, beautiful. xo


I’m a Christian.











I’m a Christian.

The Bible is the authority in my life. I base my decisions, no, I base my LIFE, on what God says is right and wrong. No matter who thinks it’s stupid, silly, or old-fashioned. I’ve been called a weirdo, a Jesus Freak, a religious nut job, judgmental, spiritually superior, you name it….But I didn’t expect anything less when I signed up for this. Anyone who claims the name of Jesus Christ must walk in the footsteps of Jesus- God’s son and a man who didn’t “play nice.” He was hated and he was killed for what he preached, what He said, who He judged and what He claimed, and He has called me to preach the same message. Don’t think Christianity is something for the weak. Christians all throughout the ages were hated— HATED. Jesus went so far as to tell us, that if we aren’t hated, then we are doing it all wrong. I know that persecution is nothing new to those who preach the gospel of Christ, and we have it so good compared to the martyrs of history. Then again, who knows for how long?

Would I have the courage to say that with the barrel of a gun to my face? I would like to think that I would.

So as long as I have breath I will say it. I will say that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life. I will say God’s way is not only the best way but the ONLY way, and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it. They can hate me with every fiber of their being. I will still preach the gospel. They can call me every name in the book. I will still cling to His Hands. They can hurl their insults and make their accusations and threaten me till the end of the day. I will still speak His name. Jesus. The one who gave EVERYTHING so that I could live…. and I will. I will live for the day my Savior will hold my face in his nail-scarred hands and say “Well done.” It will be worth it all–everything and anything that this world could say or do to me. I’m not afraid or ashamed for God is my Rock. I’m a Christian.

Psalm 18

1 (To the chief Musician, A Psalm of David, the servant of the LORD, who spake unto the LORD the words of this song in the day that the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul: And he said,) I will love thee, O LORD, my strength.

2 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

4 The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.

5 The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me.

6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.

7 Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations also of the hills moved and were shaken, because he was wroth.

8 There went up a smoke out of his nostrils, and fire out of his mouth devoured: coals were kindled by it.

9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down: and darkness was under his feet.

10 And he rode upon a cherub, and did fly: yea, he did fly upon the wings of the wind.

11 He made darkness his secret place; his pavilion round about him were dark waters and thick clouds of the skies.

12 At the brightness that was before him his thick clouds passed, hail stones and coals of fire.

13 The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Highest gave his voice; hail stones and coals of fire.

14 Yea, he sent out his arrows, and scattered them; and he shot out lightnings, and discomfited them.

15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.

16 He sent from above, he took me, he drew me out of many waters.

17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, and from them which hated me: for they were too strong for me.

18 They prevented me in the day of my calamity: but the LORD was my stay.

19 He brought me forth also into a large place; he delivered me, because he delighted in me.

20 The LORD rewarded me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands hath he recompensed me.

21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God.

22 For all his judgments were before me, and I did not put away his statutes from me.

23 I was also upright before him, and I kept myself from mine iniquity.

24 Therefore hath the LORD recompensed me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his eyesight.

25 With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright;

26 With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward.

27 For thou wilt save the afflicted people; but wilt bring down high looks.

28 For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.

29 For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.

30 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.

31 For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God?

32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.

33 He maketh my feet like hinds’ feet, and setteth me upon my high places.

34 He teacheth my hands to war, so that a bow of steel is broken by mine arms.

35 Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy right hand hath holden me up, and thy gentleness hath made me great.

36 Thou hast enlarged my steps under me, that my feet did not slip.

37 I have pursued mine enemies, and overtaken them: neither did I turn again till they were consumed.

38 I have wounded them that they were not able to rise: they are fallen under my feet.

39 For thou hast girded me with strength unto the battle: thou hast subdued under me those that rose up against me.

40 Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies; that I might destroy them that hate me.

41 They cried, but there was none to save them: even unto the LORD, but he answered them not.

42 Then did I beat them small as the dust before the wind: I did cast them out as the dirt in the streets.

43 Thou hast delivered me from the strivings of the people; and thou hast made me the head of the heathen: a people whom I have not known shall serve me.

44 As soon as they hear of me, they shall obey me: the strangers shall submit themselves unto me.

45 The strangers shall fade away, and be afraid out of their close places.

46 The LORD liveth; and blessed be my rock; and let the God of my salvation be exalted.

47 It is God that avengeth me, and subdueth the people under me.

48 He delivereth me from mine enemies: yea, thou liftest me up above those that rise up against me: thou hast delivered me from the violent man.

49 Therefore will I give thanks unto thee, O LORD, among the heathen, and sing praises unto thy name.

50 Great deliverance giveth he to his king; and sheweth mercy to his anointed, to David, and to his seed for evermore.


What Men Really Think about Marriage

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I still remember what it was like to be single. It wasn’t easy. These days, it seems like many or even most guys don’t even want to get married. They just want to play around with a bunch of girl’s hearts to feed their egos, and most girls play right into their traps. So what do guys actually think about marriage? I asked. Because we want to know. And, let me tell you. They are out there. The good guys, who have a right and proper view of marriage and who are looking for the girls who believe the same.

Of course there will always be cynics with a strange and jaded view of marriage like Tim here…

You can take my singlehood only after you pry it from my cold, dead fingers. The marriage rate has been declining for decades for very, very good reasons. The marriage rate in the US is at its lowest point for very, very good reasons. One of those reasons is that 10s upon 10s of millions of men have been destroyed through it, in the US alone, over the past 50 years. Every year, 10s upon 10s of thousands of men, in that same time span, in the US alone, commit suicide as a result. No one cares. Marriage will continue to decline for all but those that can survive psychologically and financially following a divorce. That means mostly women and financially well off men will want to get married. Those that can’t survive the aftermath of a divorce will continue to avoid marriage in ever increasing numbers. That means that men will increasingly avoid marriage. One very telling statistic is that women’s suicide rate remains unchanged following divorce while men’s suicide rate skyrockets. That one stat tells you pretty much everything you need to know regarding the differences between men and women. – Tim

Yikes……But the truth is that godly men care about the sanctity of marriage, and are prepared to fulfill their roles as godly husbands. Keep in mind that these are real men’s answers, not altered in any way. I asked these men to write in answers to the following questions:

1. If you are unmarried, do you want to get married?

2. What do you think your role is in FINDING a wife?

3. Are you currently fulfilling this role?

4. What do you think a godly marriage should look like?

And here are their answers…. enjoy!

I absolutely do want to get married one day but I don’t know if I want to find that person at this time. God is really changing my heart and I’m really enjoying climbing the ladder in my career and being free to spend time with my friends. I think my role is ultimately to become more like Christ every day. To prepare myself to love some selflessly and find my identity in Christ more and more so that I don’t have to put my insecurities and my hope on another person. And also I obviously believe in being active. If I see a cute girl at church a couple of times I’ll approach her. I strive to be intentional and take girls on dates without playing games. So far nothing has turned into anything but I’ve got pretty high standards and I have faith God will either meet my standards, change my standards, or fulfill those desires Himself. I am absolutely doing my best. I try to rely more on Him and let Him work in my heart every day. I am pursuing sexual purity in my walk even though I do fall short. And I feel like I really keep the doors open for God to bring me someone special through the way I take action in pursuing girls. I would just say that I’m very patient about it and am in no rush. The best change of my entire life was coming to the conclusion that it really would be okay if I never got married. That God really is enough for me and I won’t settle because I don’t need a marriage to be fulfilled. Selfless, sacrificial, forgiving, tough, spirit filled, scripture-driven, relentless, daily pursuing love. – Bradley

Marriage has been on my mind for the past years and is a goal in my life I consider highly important in serving God. I think that a personal foundation for one’s family calling is more important than searching frantically for a wife. This is because one must have an established Christ-honoring lifestyle before inviting someone into your life. After that’s taken care of, a man’s role is to leave his comfort zone in search of someone who best fits his calling for a family. When a good woman is found, the man should patiently and respectably get to know her and her family. A godly successful marriage should always reflect Christ by giving unconditional love (including to oneself), forgiving mistakes, and serving others with their combined talent. Man cannot achieve this alone, but I look forward to fulfilling this role when God reveals the opportunity. – Austin, 22

I wouldn’t mind getting married in the next two years, honestly, but as a third-culture kid (born and raised in Australia to South Indian parents, but now living in the States), there are a lot of cultural, spiritual and traditional obligations that are placed on me and other people in similar situations; such as the potential spouse’s family history, denominational background, personal career choices, permanent location, etc. Since my parents have an arranged marriage, this also adds to the confusion. When looking for a wife, my role is definitely that of looking out for the best interests of us both, in terms of how we serve God, each other, and the community around us. Since I haven’t started my search (yet), I would say I am preparing myself for it both mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. A truly Godly marriage puts the interests of the other ahead of one’s own, is a model of forgiveness and love, and seeks to put God first in every area of the union between both flesh. – Joseph K.

I want to get married too. Now that I see my friends getting engaged and married too I feel that pressure. I think Christian guys are more likely to want to get married earlier. I also believe that God has made me more patient by allowing me to wait to get married. My girlfriend and I have grown closer in the last 2 years and spent more time making sure this is what we want. My role in finding a wife is first trusting God. He will bless you with a good wife, and he will also talk to you. If men listen to God he will tell us if we are in a unhealthy relationship. I believe I am fulfilling this role, I ask God for guidance and wisdom constantly. My girlfriend and I challenge each other in our faith. That helps us to grow both closer to God and closer to each other. I believe christians should encourage each other in their faith and challenge each other to grow. I think that a Godly marriage should focus on the love first from God and then love to each other. We can Love because God first loved us. (1 John 4:19). – Dean, 20

My tongue-in-cheek reply when family ask why I haven’t got a girlfriend is: ‘Shall I concentrate on my studies or making babies?’ Joking aside, I’m hiding from rejection, pain, and commitment. God utilises the institution of marriage to illustrate His love for us. This is ‘covenantal’ love – transcending ‘fancy’ or ‘friendship’. It’s a commitment that ‘I will’* do the loving even when my wife isn’t so (physically) attractive anymore or when our interests don’t align. It mimics my relationship with Jesus. Sinful, disobedient, and unfaithful – yet Jesus waits at the altar and I turn up spotless because he came to die and grant me redemption. He ‘did’ the loving act of dying on a cross: marriage epitomises that sacrificial love. He pursued me. I ought to pursue ‘her’. I’m still afraid and, should God place someone on my heart, I’ll be praying for guidance and courage (to, even, take the baby-step and ask how she feels). Beyond that, a godly marriage needs God at its centre – tautological, perhaps(!). It means more than frequent prayers, scriptural studying, and church-going with a spouse. It means imitating that ‘doing’ love that Jesus demonstrated. A tall order… I know. – Gabriel, 20

Although I am currently single, I have a deep internal desire to be married.  My parents have been married nearly 30 years, and they have provided a wonderful example to me of a godly marriage.  They display incredible sacrificial love for each other, and (usually) do their best to exemplify the ideals set forth in Ephesians.  Things were not always this way, but watching their marriage grow and flourish as it passed the milestones of 15, 20, and 25 years has been inspiring.  It is not incorrect to say that I am searching for a wife (as opposed to merely a girlfriend).  In this process I feel that many guys place too little focus on an inward perspective.  We often have some set of standards that we would like our future wife to meet, but it necessary that we aspire to hold ourselves to similar standards.   We should aim to improve our relationship with God, maintain purity of body and mind, and commit ourselves into godly service (and the list doesn’t stop there).  Anybody man who thinks that he has completed these objectives is lying to himself, as internal work can never be truly finished. – Rich, 25

I am unmarried with the desire of being married. I used to think my role in finding a wife was to completely prepare myself for my future marriage and for the spouse God intended for me. I realized that this was part of my role in finding a wife, but it should never have been the first step. I was missing the true glory of the greatest love ever known to mankind. I had to quit trying to make myself ready for a future relationship and look at just how much Jesus already loved me. When we rest in the love of Christ, we are made pure through His blood. This allows us to prepare ourselves to find a spouse. For me to participate in this role, I had to be content in singleness and understand that the love of Jesus is everything that I will ever need and that He was making me pure. As the Church we are the bride of Christ. That is the example of marriage to follow. To love no matter the circumstance. That is exactly what our marriages should represent. To show others the love of Christ through marriage. – Alex, 21

Yes I would like to get married. I think my role when searching for a wife should be to establish myself and my relationship with God first. Without him it will fail. After that I think you need seek a woman that will not go against your relationship with God but encourage you to grow and want to grow with you. After that he will allow it to fall into place because you are both focused on him and putting him first. The bible tells us that God is a jealous God. Honestly, starting out I was not  fulfilling this role but I did re-prioritize and instead of putting my girlfriend before God I put God before her and now we seem to do better and the fact I did seek a woman who wanted a godly relationship helps. Now that we are focused on him I am able to fulfill this role. I think a godly marriage should look like you both seeking him everyday then each other but him first. If you do that I believe he will not let your marriage fail. I believe if kids come into the picture, you should both spend time talking about Jesus and God to the kids. But they have to see you loving what you are telling them also. – Adam, 22

Right now I am unmarried and yes I would love to get married one day. My role in finding a wife is to seek God first and when the time is right to pursue a girl. Right now I am filling this role. God is my number one priority and I am waiting to pursue the girl God has for me. A Godly marriage should represent Christ and what the biblical definition of what it should be. You are also constantly working to strive for a better marriage and committing yourself to them. It should be fun, encouraging, and serious, but it should also show unconditional love, serving one another without expectations for something in return, admitting faults, not boastful in rights, and the representation of how Christ loved the church. – Dalton, 21

I am currently unmarried and looking to get married. With that being said, not with just anyone. My role in finding a wife is to be myself and confident around the ladies. Being the partner that I also want by representing Christ in everything I do. In some instances yes. I do however think I can be a little more confident around some of the ladies and initiate conversation first instead of waiting for a “perfect moment” when there isn’t one. Also I don’t agree with getting to know the person and talking and what not because that’s the whole point of being in a relationship is to get to know the person and in this era I’m in it’s hard to find girls who believe the same way as far as relationships go. A godly marriage is an on going relationship with that person. I think it’s more of loving an individual and not having selfish motives behind why you love the person. You love them regardless if they cook or clean for you. When you said yes to Jesus you don’t know Him at all but you have all of eternity to get to know Him.. Marriage is the same way!! Obviously since Jesus used it as a example of us and Him. – Gary

I’m not married at the moment (single) but I do want to get married one day. I believe my role is simple. Finding a woman that loves Jesus more than anything else. It sounds cliche and it’s hard to find in these days but in all honesty, everything I look for in a girl stems from that. Once I know that to be true, I am the pursuer. I will passionately pursue her because of one reason, I can see myself marrying her. Because of circumstances at the moment, I’m not pursuing anyone. I think a godly marriage can be summed up in one word; devotion. Relentless devotion to God and each other. When the going gets tough, you still pursue God and each other. When you’re unsure of the future, you remain devoted to Christ and His unfailing promises. It’s also a beautiful mix of selflessness and love. The man and woman know that they can’t love each other as much as Jesus loves them and thats fine. Marriage is two ordinary people coming together in a beautiful union to symbolize Christ and His Church. – Ian, 20

I would like to get married someday. There is a fine line between having a healthy desire and spending excessive time on it. The period of time you are a single man is unique and you will miss opportunities to grow closer to Christ if the idea of a relationship becomes an idol. My role in finding a wife is asking out a lady whose clear number one priority in life is Jesus Christ and to continue pursuing her if she is interested. Yes, I would say that I am currently fulfilling that role. On a practical level, it is getting to know Christian girls as friends. Through that, you learn what their priorities are and how they act in various situations. It is hard to accept when you find a girl who does love Christ and lives her life for Him, but is not interested in you. However, you just have to shake it off and move on. A godly marriage is a man and a woman who live to love and honor God with their lives. They love each other for they are. Through the ups and downs of marriage, they grow closer to Jesus and each other. – Paul, 21

When I was 21, I wanted to get married for the worst reasons: I wanted to be able to have sex and I wanted to be like my friends, who were all getting married young. Now, at age 31, I’ve been much more broken. I want to be married because I want a gospel-centered covenant. I want people to look at us and see Jesus, not just romance. Before finding a wife, I need to be found in Jesus. I think the best gift I can give my wife will be the work I’ve allowed Jesus to do on my heart. That can only happen if He’s my first love. I think if men do this, they will find the women God has already found for them. A godly marriage, I believe, looks like Jesus on the cross. It is cruciform. Both the husband and the wife willingly setting themselves aside for the sake of the other, pointing the other to Jesus and the gospel at every turn…and with every action taken and word spoken to embody Paul’s words from 1 Corinthians 15:31: “I die daily.” – Steven, 31

I am unmarried and truthfully am really looking forward to marriage. I can’t imagine how wonderful it must be to know that no matter what you do or where you go, you get to experience it with the person you love most by your side. I think my role in finding a wife is: to seek Jesus with my whole mind, body, and heart. I believe that if I am seeking Him and desiring Him then he will place a girl in my life that he intends for me to marry. I am currently seeking the Lord but at times I do fail to give him all of me on a day to day basis. I believe a godly marriage consists of a man and a woman serving each other first and foremost. As well as putting their spouse before themselves. Even when it may be tough I believe they must continue to serve each other for Christ’s sake because I’m sure there will be times when it is hard on your own strength. – Daniel, 18

Up until this year I wanted to get married with absolute certainty. As God has shown me more clearly my sinful nature I’ve become afraid of the idea that I will fail often as a husband. It will take alot of grace on both parts–complete dependency on God to fulfill my role–it’s a bit daunting. Also, when I became super content with God my other disproportionate desires lessened greatly. I think Matt Chandler put it best: to pursue friendships with Christian women in hopes that one may develop into a marriage. Right now I’m busy–not many opportunities to find those friendships. There’s none at my church, but I don’t want to leave my church, either. Bible studies seem like an excellent manner of finding someone, but it also seems wrong to go for that reason. Trust God, that’s all I got lol. Focus on Jesus, stay dedicated to growing and reaching others; and pray with thanksgiving for the other things you desire. A godly marriage should display grace, love, respect, sacrifice, patience, etc. A wife’s heart should incline to support her husband’s decisions and a husband’s to give his life for her, learn her, and love her unconditionally. A man cannot be a husband until he knows how to submit to Christ. A godly marriage flourishes from the inside and continues by enriching others through service. – Ray, 25

If you are single today, let this post encourage you that there are men out there that want to get married, and want to do marriage God’s way. They aren’t all players and jerks. Don’t lose hope that God will, in His time, bring you the man of God that he is preparing for you. Keep dong what’s right. Commit to God’s perfect ways, and someday, your prince will come, and it will be better than you ever dreamed. Because it will be all yours and it will be real.